DREAMY SIGH

i've said it before and i'll say it again: this is the chanho fic of my dreams. and nearly 50k lord you spoil me. ♥♥♥

what i love about this is all the little details. the set up in the yogurt shop, the easy camaraderie between people who have worked together for a long time. i love the focus you put on the minor characters and the dynamic between all of them. i love playboy jongdae (MIN? GET IT JONGDAE), his sharp tongue (going into medicine to see boobs jongdae i will knock you out) and how soft he is towards joonmyun. i absolutely adore their relationship (SEEN HIM IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR I?????). they have such a nice friendship, and jongdae so obviously adores joonmyun and god knows how much i love it when people adore joonmyun. it's all the little things, like jongdae answering joonmyun's questions completely honestly, no sugar-coating, or how when joonmyun says he likes chanyeol, that's it, jongdae likes him too (even if it means accepting a sasquatch into his work life ALTHO LBR chanyeol is the baldy reject sasquatch)

and jongin!! all cocky confidence when it comes to their ongoing bet about getting girls' numbers and then when it comes to his concern for joonmyun getting all shy and unable to talk about feelings (Ahhh, Joonmyun thinks. Feelings. YOUCH). i love how silly and grumpy and YOUNG he is, quick to bristle when he's teased and disappointed when he won't be the only pretty face the teenage girls go for, ugh your jongin is perfect. worrying when chanyeol and joonmyun are gone!! worrying so bad he needs an ambien jongin pls. i also really love how jongin was the one to notice joonmyun's jealousy? i don't know if you intended it like a birds of a feather thing, but it was a really nice touch that emphasized his concern for him sigh favs.

ugh i love your chanyeol, he's so multifaceted. he's boisterous and clumsy and outspoken but for as silly as he can be, he's not an open book. he's just so DELIGHTFUL, in the way that he seeks out joonmyun's presence and says he wants to know everything about him. i love the rivalry between him and jongin (kaiyeollllllllll AND THE BLUEBERRIES), and his sweet friendship with baekhyun (oh sharp little baekhyun, determined to interfere)

I ADORE YOUR JOONMYUN. oh my god, my tiny sweet prince. i like how he's this older brother figure to all of the guys in their little group, the responsible one that is too busy looking after everyone else to look after himself. his mindset is pretty relatable, tbh? even through his setbacks and all of the things he deals with, his mother in the hospital, his father paralyzed and ineffectual with grief, running the store on his own, not being able to go back to school, even through all of that, he just keeps going, because that's really the only option. at least in his mind. and i like how he never really sours? any of that stuff would be enough to make someone bitter or angry, but it's heartbreaking that joonmyun never changed, he just shouldered a bit more and moved on.

the way that chanyeol and joonmyun's relationship evolves is so nice and natural and gradual. i like that it happens sort of around everything else in joonmyun's life, like between his mother and the store and his friends he just slowly drifts into love with chanyeol. there are all these little snags and catches that trip them up, and of course joonmyun is determined not to fall for a straight boy, but it happens anyway. i really like the way that you incorporated that real life element of being in the closet, it wasn't melodramatic, it was just another part of joonmyun's inability to burden anyone else. it's just another part of him that is sad and sweet. it's a nice touch of realism. the way that he fended off dates (sulli bb) just made me so sad. i spent so much of this fic wanting to fold joonmyun and his ugly sweaters up into a big ole hug.

but yes!! my beloved chanho, i love how you've written them. chanyeol's genuine interest and the way that he so unabashedly likes joonmyun right from the start, ugh, slaying me. when he looked after sick joonmyun, the cute nicknames (TINY-HYUNG, CUTE-HYUNG, IT ALL EQUALS DEAD NOONA LBR), all the little affectionate touches, like leaning against joonmyun on the bus, it's all so fluffy i'm gonna CHOKE. i loved the slow build of joonmyun's jealousy, and again, wow, i adored the way that jongin, of all people, picked up on it. just, i wanted to curl up in the slow build of their relationship (yes, even with the razorblades, shush) i mean come ON joonmyun giving chanyeol all his fries, chanyeol resting his chin on joonmyun's head, sobbing everywhere. they just have such a lovely gentle dynamic and you've captured everything about them that i love and i want to kiss you on the mouth for this.

and then when they get together! JOONMYUN BUYS PLASTIC CUPS BECAUSE HE'S DATING A DISASTER ZONE BE STILL MY HEART. the meeting with joonmyun's mom and how nicely chanyeol treated her, it was all so sweet and lovely (and that line about deserving people, lord). even KNOWING that you are setting me up for pain and suffering, i don't even care. i just love how they fit together, looking after each other and all sweet and snuggly and perFECT JIEJIE PLS.

i really did spend most of the second half of this crying, and that's NOT A BAD THING OKAY DON'T WORRY. it all has this edge of realism to it, and the way you dragged out the break up, lord. JOONMYUN ASKING THEIR FRIENDS TO LOOK AFTER CHANYEOL. i'm gonna break. the poor boy finally gets what he wants, after so long of only ever doing the things he needs to do, and it gets taken away from him and he just...he doesn't even fight because he knows that it's what chanyeol needs to do and he just puts others above himself every time. i just want to bundle him up in a hug and tell him it's alright oh my god.

actually i like how both of them handle it? because for two guys who are pretty selfless, they both get a little bit selfish after the break up. chanyeol with his let's pretends, and joonmyun with kyuhyun, trying to move on (and failing, poor bb). the way that they both clung to each other more than they wanted to, jesus christ. the phone call when joonmyun's mother died and when chanyeol showed up drunk before his wedding, you are single-handedly going to cause my death. on my tombstone, it will read 'godfuckingdamnit, jiejie.'

joonmyun trying to move on, ugh that really hit home. just trying to shoulder it all and move past it, because there's nothing he can do, and even accomplishing positive things. he goes back to school!! he gets a new boyfriend, a nice boy with no secrets!! and it's just all the more heartbreaking when he still thinks about chanyeol AND WHEN HE LIES ABOUT BEING HAPPY AND IT REMINDS HIM OF MY FATHER IT'S LIKE YOU TORE OUT MY HEART, STOMPED ON IT, LIT IT ON FIRE, AND THEN PEED ON THE ASHES.

tbh even if i knew there was going to be a happy ending i was still scared after he broke up with kyuhyun, because yes it's true. sometimes people don't get happy endings and that's a part of life i am uncomfortably familiar with but i really just needed them to get back together!! (i really liked the contrast between curly chanyeol and short dark haired chanyeol too that was a nice touch). jesus christ, that last let's pretend and when joonmyun said 'enough' it was like you were grinding the peed on ashes of my heart into the dirt i didn't KNOW I HAD IT IN ME TO FEEL ANY MORE PAIN AND THEN YOU MADE ME FEEL IT

god the ending was perfect, it was everything i wanted. CHANYEOL ON HIS KNEES AND CONFESSING HOW MISERABLE HE WAS WITHOUT JOONMYUN AND BEGGING HIM AND SCREAMS I JUST - AND THEN THE GRADUATION AND JONGIN CASUALLY INTRODUCING CHANYEOL AS JOONMYUN'S BF AND JOONMYUN'S TERROR AND JONGIN AND JONGDAE BICKERING AND CHANYEOL GRINNING AND IT'S LIKE YOU GAVE ME MY HEART BACK BUT I WAS TOO BUSY BEING MELTED INTO A PUDDLE OF ICE CREAM TO TAKE IT BACK

THIS COMMENT GOT TOO LONG AND DEGENERATED INTO CAPS BUT JUST KNOW THIS: I LOVE YOU, I LOVE THIS, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, AND I MAY BE COMMENTING FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE